Watch Your Language!
For those of you who have had a conversation with me or heard me speak, you may find the title of this column laughable. So no, I am not speaking of my colorful, sometimes taboo ways of expression. I am talking about the way we say things to ourselves, specifically the words we use and the toll they take on who we are.
Let’s focus on these three monsters: I can’t, I should, I have to…
I can’t. If you think you can’t, you definitely won’t. If you recall, he was the little engine that could because he chanted, “I think I can, I think I can, I think I can.” So he did. This one is straight-forward and simple. I’m curious to know, what makes you think you can’t in the first place? Because you can. You CAN do anything. When you tell yourself you can, you are loving yourself, empowering yourself, and tapping into the energy to go for it!
I should. Enough already with this word! Should is dripped with shame. I should go to the gym, I should call my parents, I should organize my closet, I should get to work earlier, I should have known that. Should according to whom?
Should is often brought on by guilt or comparison, both of which are no way to live. If you do something because you “should”, the likelihood of enjoyment and effectiveness is low. And even more harmful, if you don’t do what you “should,” then you’ve failed or disappointed yourself. How’s that for a punch right in the face of self-esteem and worthiness?! So stop “shoulding” on yourself or anyone else for that matter.
I have to. No one has to do anything, ever. I have to pay my bills, I have to go grocery shopping, I have to work on getting clients for my business. I’m not suggesting these things aren’t real; I am suggesting the way you’re saying them isn’t helping.
The energy behind “have to” is low and totally not motivating. You are resisting, which makes whatever you think you “have to” do more difficult. When you move into “choose to”, you are living consciously. You can then turn a “choose to” into a “want to”. I want to pay my bills, so I can continue to live comfortably. I want to go grocery shopping, so I can enjoy my food for the week. I want to get more clients, so my business can thrive. The energy in “want to” is catapulting.
When you notice a monster word come out, stop and try an empowering replacement. Notice the energy shift when you speak the new phrase and smile, because you know it feels good!