What is self-esteem? Simply put, self-esteem is a way of thinking and feeling about yourself. Today we are going to focus on supporting our children to cultivate and maintain untouchable self-esteem.
Do you ever feel like your child’s self-esteem rises and falls based on their grades in school? Does their self-esteem crash based on how make followers they have on social media? Do they beat themselves up if they don’t make the soccer team?
How our children feel about themselves often comes from what is happening outside of them. The KEY to cultivating untouchable self-esteem is to understand it is based on what is going on inside of them.
Think of it like this – your self-esteem is not what you do, it’s who you are. So if they attach how they feel about themselves to how they perform in school, what parties they go to, and what teams they make, then self-esteem will inevitably be a yo-yo. A rollercoaster dependent on the last “good” or “bad” thing that happened. We need to help shift them from an external focus to an internal focus.
Tip #1. Talk to your children. Explain and teach them what self-esteem really is.
Tip #2. Check yourself. How is your self-esteem? What happens with you when something goes wrong at work? When you aren’t included in an event? When you feel you made a mistake? Our children model us, always.
Tip #3. Teach them to art of disconnection. For example, your daughter comes home from school with a F on a test. She starts saying things like, “I’m so stupid. I’m such a failure.” Explain that she is not the failure. The failed test is simply feedback on what areas she still needs to practice.
Tip #4. They are as unique as their fingerprint. Work with them to create a list of all the things that makes them special and unique. This will help them focus on the positive and create self-love.
Tip #5. Rid them of 'comparison-itus'. When they compare themselves to kids around them, it promotes the rollercoaster self-esteem. If they compare with someone they see as “less than them,” they feel high. If they compare with someone they see as “more than them” they feel low. Comparison also promotes judgement, resentment and not feeling worthy.
Tip #6. Encourage positive self-talk. Be aware of your self-talk and what they observe. Teach them that what they say to themselves is the most important thing. Teach them to be their own best friend.
Self-Esteem is not something we can give to our children, however it is absolutely something we can cultivate and teach them how to develop for themselves.